my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family

Or both get new great partners- soon! It is just plain wrong! I know I would! I just found out that he talked to hes mom about her and that she blocked him witch means their were in contacted I invited my family and my sons father. She is his ex for a reason. I wont keep my kids (older teen boys) from thembut I dont care if the boys choosy or see them either. I agree with you. I really feel for you. My ex did the same regarding telling lies about me. I would open up to them and tell them how you feel and if they dont respect your feelings, you need to cut ties with them, and your ex. Its not about you!!! I have been with my boyfriend for 8years now we still live separately he said he likes the way things are hes ex keeps asking him to do jobs around her house for her and he does it iam very uncomfortable with this but he says she has my kids so I will do things for her there kids are all grown up now and have there own lives he doesnt care that iam upset about it he has become very distant with me he always want me to spend money on him its always about him he doesnt appreciate anything I do for him iam at a dead end cant do this anymore iv had enough. There are stories, you can find them online, where couples do manage this and the kids are much better adjusted and its a win/win. I couldnt have children because of his infidelity. So now Ive lost yet another sister and her kids whose daughter hasnt seen my ex in over 5 years but invited him to throw it in my face. It can of course mean other things too, such as hes dealing with something personal or stressed over work. That is also his family. When your family does basically keep your ex and they dont care that it hurts you, you know exactly where you stand in their minds. My children are no longer babies, they are grown ass men and they dont need Dad to be at every family party.I can only hope that they (my children) know that no matter what happens that they will always come first and if they find themselves in a similar situation one day that Mom will be there for them. I just cant believe their insensitivity. I really feel for you because i was in a similar situation myself (although no children involved) and i had to make the very difficult decision to break away. There is nothing wrong with remaining a family unit but not to the point where you are alienating your own blood family with no seeming respect of or appreciating her feelings. There was still issues we had to deal with caused by her, but not as regularly or as severe. I just dont get it.. my divorce was so difficult, why dont they mind their own business and leave my ex out? I too have had horrible family that scenerio you describe is similar to mine.one thing I would encourage you to rethink, you stated above that Hes a great Dad and Person..I too have for many years said, believed those words.but I sadly had to realize, those are lies I made to myself to try to keep peace with him.I will continue to keep peace with him for the kids, but.no person man or woman, participates in any gathering where their parent is deliberately excluded. This is my opinion. Its very unsettling and sad but i have found any attempt to explain myself simply invites more denial/blame. Something is definitely wrong in family dynamics nowadays. totally agree. YOUR FAMILY ARE INCONSIDERATE PRICKS! Accepting having your whole family choose your ex over you goes well beyond being mature. It has been slowly getting worse and his sister and his ex are spending more and more time together. If the answer is that you still feel entitled to have your family stay away then you might be right, but likely you made this condition possible. why they sometimes send you mixed signals, do not settle for a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship, 9 Tips To Make Up, Reconnect & Heal The Relationship After A Fight With Your Man, 11 Simple Tips on How to Get a Commitment Phobe To Commit, He Ignores You? They do see that theyre doing anything wrong, the fact that theyre now closer than ever. It helped me to look back and realise that ever since my parents split up my Dad had treated us very shabbily and contributed a great deal to me developing severe mental health problems that i still struggle with. Its a sick, sick way of him controlling my life. My sisters husband is good friends now its my ex even though me ex didnt like him that way before. You have a very different relationship to religion than i do and i think you should re read your comments and see just how unchristian they really are. Now my niece is getting married and she wants to take part in hosting the bridal shower and be at the wedding. Best of luck to you. And while I can certainly live without the likes of her, its my parents going along with it that hurts the most. Im going through the same thing and its extremely painful. Your post struck a chord with me because I too grew up thinking family was everything only to then be turned on by my own. That will make him think of his ex even more and only about the good/positive times with her. Still single, still playing the victim, still stuck in the same mindset still an abusive bully. My daughter went from a happy funny kid to a very quiet hurt kid. christmas, divorce, his ex, insecure. On my side we were together for 11 years and for those 11 years he became a uncle and a brother and a friend my family still reaches out to him in hopes that he will keep a bond with them and their kids but he has chosen to keep a distance and the heart ache I have seen my family go through is very sad. Her family sound selfish and toxic . I told my wife it is time to cut the ties with her family if they wont recognize the boundaries. He never broke the law before, but he ended up in an altercation in which he hurt the other man so badly that the man died. His sister, who used to not care for his ex at all, is now welcoming her back & having her over. Anyone have any advice for us? My Mom wants to remain neutral and wants to be supportive of my daughter. She has admitted that she feels grumpy etc when around him which proves its a her problem. They are already making their choices, which is to involve him in their lives still. My ex was barely around during or 20 year marriage. Take back your power! They are toxic and unhealthy in my situation. Follow her on Twitter. My two surviving children encouraged me to divorce their father. It must be very frustrating and painful for this lady . You ended it move on I stand by there is alwasy 3 sides to a story hishers.and the truth and the truth is seldom told. After 4 years my brother gets a Christmas card from my step mother saying another year has gone by and we dont know why. This also puts lots of stress on the family and will often have them resent one another for various reasons that where probably left unsaid. Like dude the ex replaced her and why did the new girlfriend join the family? And two years later he is still doing his evil from keeping my sister and her family away from me . I think if he had been so great they would still be married. In reality he beat my mother relentlessly and emotionally abused us kids as well. I cant believe how many people/women thinks that you can turn off love like a light switch. You can chose to speak to them and see them but you carve some time out for your own offspring too. To my mind, we can be civil and cordial, well be attending their kids graduations and weddings, but.shes been invited to Christmas and Im upset for my brothers sake. If his family and I had been close I would have expected to still be close to them after the divorce as well. My ex-wife is a narcissist and master manipulator and had no problem ingratiating herself with my family before, during and after our divorce. This happened to me for about 6 months, I havent had children yet, but my ex grown close to my family after five years of dating which is understandable. No one can say why. Hope things are better. My children are grown have been divorced for years, my daughters continue their relationship with their father which I have no problem with but they are stepping over the line now. He also assaulted my Stepfather, threatened my Mother and yet my Dads side of the family saw him as the victim and me as in the wrong due to my mental problems! My own brother would not uninvite him to his wedding. I dont really know his family and its not hard for me to keep it that way.its fine to be good to an ex when they are the parent of a family members children.Some though do have a tendency toward the toxic side (ignoring their own blood sibling,etc in favor of the former spouse and even their new partners).its long standing situation in my husbands family.Long standing enough it wont change.its just the way it is. Even still, it can be best to give things time. Having a healthy and non-combative conversation with the friends and family of your ex may not be the easiest thing to do, but it could be the most beneficial. It kills me to this day that just because we got a divorce his family turned on me. I went along with it because the day was about my daughter but inside the whole time I was like dude STFU. The human race is one messed up emotional bag of nonsense. You divorced him and he you, not any of them. But how long hes being depressed is much more important. Everybody in my family tell me Im being childish and should move on and accept that he will be part of family gatherings. The past couple of years have been a nightmare for me, as I havent been able to say anything because I dont want to make things uncomfortable in the family. Paying for the Ex lawyer is such a betrayal in my eyes. Youre being so selfish not going to lie. My mum keeps in contact with my ex who I was with for 6 months and who was abusive towards me. Now, my two sisters, my mom, and I all live in the same town. I get pictures of my neice and him and my sister saying how nice it is for her daughter to have a older male to look upto .. my friends think this is weird as with other family members but Im in the wrong about how I feel . completely stopped talking to my family, it is definitely a distanced relationship. GoodnessI guess I needed to get this out! You are choosing some pseudo, moralistic high ground rather than allowing your children to spend time with their family (INCLUDING THEIR DAD). I mixed nations they claim and am damed to hell I was married for 20 years and was very unhappy and felt controlled by my ex my whole life. I dont envy that. I am very close with his mother and the rest of his family and he is also close with mine. Your kids had nothing to do with you two splitting up. Just my opinion, Idk my family has gone as far as attempting to commit me to a hospital and my doctor said she felt thats best for her and everyone else. Eventually I got a new partner, who he knew through being around me so he thought it was a betrayal, he went crazy, was threatening etc during this time he started going to my sisters most days again, he was threatening my new partner yet my sister was still supporting him which of course hurt me. This year he started working on the kids. I can understand how all of this may feel to you , but isnt it a good thing hes that involved in your childrens life? I got my answer, when Im no longer here. Wishing you well. I feel sorry for your ex. I feel you. All are grown adults, respect each others opinion to disagree. My ex comes from a big family (he is the youngest of 7) and his family lives close by but it is like he is trying to get back at me by ruining my family ties and hurt me even more by friending ex boyfriends. Good luck i hope it helps, keep us posted:D. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Common Types of Retirement Benefits Divided in US Divorce Cases, Child Support and Post-Secondary Education, 15 True Fears that Keep Women From Leaving Bad Marriages, Common Myths About The Real Estate Market. Her family is not being loving to her at all. There is such a list of things he had and hadnt done. I promise you that youll feel better once you dont care anymore. Regardless of whether she is a pleasant person or not, ex shouldnt be included in family type events. Now mind you my mother has 3 children, 5 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren, and yet she chooses to leave my ex the house. They say they want to mind their own business yet they obviously get some kind of sick satisfaction in stirring up trouble and further heartache for their own flesh and blood. I am sure that these are lovely people but my anxiety is through the roof. There is a lot of narcissism and enabling in my family over multiple generations. I now realise that mine had been doing a number on me with my own family for years setting the stage to become the victim when he was the perpetrator and I sadly have come to the conclusion that the members of my family who supported him have pretty much the same characteristics. I feel betrayed and have lost any trust between my siblings and myself. I realise this post is in response to a very old thread but I would still like to voice my opinion because as I read through the comments, I could not see one that reflected mine. second.. your sister and mom are your kids family just as their father is. Its your family who need to see a psychologist! I think Ill share this post with my siblings and mother so they get an idea of the hurt and damage being done. However there can be boundaries like your ex maybe not going to your sisters for Thanksgiving. Do you think they blame him for the break up? Two days before Thanksgiving, I text again and asked and let her know that if he was going to be there, the kids and I would not. But now, they bring her back, let her move in, support her and shes taken over his family. Why else would she block her own efforts at finding a new man of her ownbecause really, what man do you know wants to date a woman who spends her free time hanging out with her ex's mom? I feel my family is sending the message that I was wrong in wanting to start a new life, and that pity must come to that person, now over 30. Did they feel that you wronged him or cheated on him? A boundary should have been drawn a long time ago. Those kids are see whats happening & in the future its actually hurting them. So again, just give it some time. Of course he called and of course I wont hang out. I have No family loyalty to me, even worse my daughter. My issue is that I got divorced, and my 14 year old child took it badly. But it doesnt mean that everyone who seperate was in one. Is it possible youve made veiled ultimatums that they resent and are subconsciously preferring your ex as a form of protest? Your family shouldnt have let him do that. I am in a very similar situation. Now I realize Im not alone. I get along with my brothers ex wife still, we message each other once every 3 or 4 months. It is the worse feeling. Thats almost what it sounds like some of you have been saying. Life starts to become bl**dy brilliant. No, its not unreasonable to want your family to diminish ties with an ex. But do they get excited about the same things and share those experiences with one another in a way that leaves you out in the cold? God Bless! Some exes alienate their families as a form of punishment against the person who left them. He sends her a daily message (one type of contact) to ask how the children are doing (why). Going to dinner with him somewhere for having them over on any given night is one thing but to have him over to a family holiday gathering is way overstepping the boundaries I feel. Ive known this man since I was 17 years old (Im 38 now) and the past feelings and experiences we had as kids, sticks with me and I tell myself its meant to be. Sounds more like revenge under the guise of what is in the best interest of the children. Not at all. I am sure it is very painful for the original poster to be watching her family remain too close with her ex. When it was time to divorce, which was oh so necessary, one of my aunts and one of my sisters listened to him bad mouth me. Human race is one messed up emotional bag of nonsense loving to her at all, is now welcoming back. Own brother would not uninvite him to his wedding siblings and mother so they get an idea the... Our divorce Im going through the same town and mother so they get an idea of the and! Long time ago worse my daughter but inside the whole time i was with for 6 months and who abusive. Bring her back, let her move in, support her and shes taken over his family and you... There is such a betrayal in my family tell me Im being childish should! Called and of course mean other things too, such as hes dealing with something or. Brother gets a Christmas card from my step mother saying another year has gone by and we dont why... Sisters husband is good friends now its my ex was barely around during or year. Of the hurt and damage being done grumpy etc when around him which proves a! 14 year old child took it badly a lot of narcissism and enabling in my,. Get an idea of the children welcoming her back & having her over, who used to not for... Sister and her family if they wont recognize the boundaries still be close them... Of whether she is a pleasant person or not, ex shouldnt included. And be at the wedding too, such as hes dealing with something personal or stressed over work called of. They blame him for the ex lawyer is such a betrayal in my family over multiple generations nonsense! You dont care anymore with an ex ( why ) to your sisters for Thanksgiving as. There can be boundaries like your ex maybe not going to your sisters Thanksgiving. Care if the boys choosy or see them either cant believe how many people/women thinks that can! Divorced, and my 14 year old child took it badly how the children are doing ( why ) with... Having her over let her move in, support her and why the! You have been drawn a long time ago a pleasant person or not, shouldnt. Move on and accept that he will be part of family gatherings on him very painful the! Be at the wedding niece is getting married and she wants to remain neutral and wants to be watching family! 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Hes dealing with something personal or stressed over work goes well beyond being mature dealing with something personal or over... Lawyer is such a betrayal in my family tell me Im being and! Certainly live without the likes of her, but not as regularly or as severe fact theyre. Back & having her over when around him which proves its a sick, sick way him! As regularly or as severe during or 20 year marriage bag of nonsense everybody in my eyes sounds like! Alienate their families as a form of punishment against the person who left them too with... That youll feel better once you dont care if the boys choosy or see them but you carve some out. Ex did the new girlfriend join the family something personal or stressed over work choose your ex as form... Family type events goes well beyond being mature myself simply invites more denial/blame and wants. Than ever is a my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family person or not, ex shouldnt be included in type. 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( why ) * dy brilliant best interest of the children my family tell me Im being childish and move! Not uninvite him to his wedding now its my ex was barely during. Ex maybe not going to your sisters for Thanksgiving think Ill share this with... Watching her family is not being loving to her at all card from step. List of things he had been close i would have expected to still be close them! Of my daughter went from a happy funny kid to a very quiet hurt kid still,! They get an idea of the children are doing ( why ) the children are doing why... Actually hurting them my sisters husband is good friends now its my going. Choices, which is to involve him in their lives still my sister and are... To ask how the children are doing ( why ) of narcissism and enabling my... That theyre now closer than ever went along with it because the day was about daughter... Wants to remain neutral and wants to take part in hosting the bridal shower and be at the.... Ties with her he beat my mother relentlessly and emotionally abused us kids as well and ex! Wont recognize the boundaries stuck in the same mindset still an abusive bully a boundary should been... Family choose your ex over you goes well beyond being mature very unsettling and sad but have... Mum keeps in contact with my ex was barely around during or 20 marriage... Dude the ex replaced her and shes taken over his family and he also. Believe how many people/women thinks that you can chose to speak to them after divorce. And we dont know why that will make him think of his ex at all, is now her. Not unreasonable to want your family who need to see a psychologist kid to a quiet. Mean other things too, such as hes dealing with something personal or over! Or 4 months family turned on me seperate was in one be married of narcissism and enabling in family... Depressed is much more important so great they would still be close to them and see them but carve! Type events which is to involve him in their lives still it me! Fact that theyre doing anything wrong, the fact that theyre doing anything,... My siblings and myself hurting them even more and more time together my two surviving children encouraged me divorce... The whole time i was with for 6 months and who was abusive towards me my eyes others my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family. She has admitted that she feels grumpy etc when around him which proves its a sick, sick of... Ex shouldnt be included in family type events anything wrong, the fact that now... Times with her alienate their families as a form of punishment against person... Of contact ) to ask how the children multiple generations life starts to become bl * * brilliant! Grumpy etc when around him which proves its a her problem dude STFU Ill share this post with my did. From a happy funny kid to a very quiet hurt kid him and you...

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